I was relieved to see that nobody wrote “shut up” or “who needs another blog by a female millennial who speaks in abbreviations” in the comments on my first post, so I decided to write another! Since a handful of people found my writing to be funny and entertaining, I thought it would be fun to share a story about some friends who once thought I was too funny to be on their blog. Or was it that I’m too female millennial? I’ll let you be the judge!*
Five years ago I was working a soul-sucking job that required me to write 100 pages of SEO content about replacement windows each month, and I found that I was starting to despise writing. I went to school to study journalism because I loved writing and hoped to make a living out of it. Alas, I wasn’t diligent enough (or talented enough?) to land a journalism job out of college and Sallie Mae was a-knocking, so SEO it was!**
Three of my coworkers had recently started a sports blog, so I asked if they would consider featuring some of my writing on a regular basis. I pitched “Gameday Girlfriend” as a sort of sassy, tongue-in-cheek look at the experience of women watching sports with their boyfriends. I wrote my first post about baseball, but before it could be posted, a local sports radio personality tweeted about my friends’ blog. Citing their newfound fame and desire to be “taken seriously,” my friends kindly rejected my column idea.
Below you’ll find the intro I wrote about myself for “Gameday Girlfriend,” as well as the first and only post I wrote. It was never published. If you feel uncomfortable with all the mentions of the baseball players’ butts, don’t worry. I’ll be addressing that in my next post, which will focus on my hypocrisy and the F word we all love to hate: feminism.
Before you go on to enjoy the Gameday Girlfriend content below, please read the following disclaimers:
*The coworkers who rejected my idea are three of the smartest, funniest people I know, and we are still friends today. In fact, one of them was mentioned in my first post, as he was one of the friends who encouraged me to start this blog. Blogging is tough. I respect the hard work my friends put into their own blog and I understand why they did not feel comfortable featuring my work at the time.
**I was truly lucky to land that first job, and I am still grateful to everyone at the company that hired me. My managers there were wonderful, and I wouldn’t be the writer I am today without their help and guidance. I do not regret writing any of those thousands of pages about replacement windows.
Gameday Girlfriend Intro
Tanya grew up in Toms River, NJ, home of the 1998 Little League World Champions…and neighboring town to Seaside Heights, where Snookie and her friends roam the boardwalk looking for “gorillas”. She completed a quick stint at the University of Rhode Island, and then moved down to Tampa to attend USF just as the Bulls football team was reaching its (short-lived) #2 NCAA ranking. She has lived her life as an equal opportunity Gameday Girlfriend, dating Yankees fans, Patriots fans, and even had a whirlwind romance with a Cowboys fan in the second grade.
Today, Tanya is engaged to a Rays/Bucs/Lakers fan, and yes, there will definitely be a post about those pesky Lakers. She herself is a Giants fan, a (bandwagon) Rays fan, and a (bandwagon) Magic fan. She’ll never cheer on a team that employs animal abusers or men who have been accused of sexual harassment. Her current athlete crushes include Matt Joyce and Reggie Bush, and though she isn’t a Lakers fan, she thinks Pao Gasol would be a really chill friend.
Having never played a sport with a ball, bat, or puck, Tanya has learned most of what she knows about these sports by observing, reading, and of course, asking a lot of questions – her favorite being “Who are we rooting for?” She’ll be here to offer tips and advice for the lady friends of “real” sports fans and to share her own observations. If you’re a female who is a genuine, knowledgeable sports fan, don’t hate on Lil’ T, we promise she’s jealous.
The Lost Post
Baseball isn’t my favorite sport to watch. It can be a bit slow, even when you’re at a live game, no? I just want to see when they hit the ball and run, or when someone catches the ball and a player is out. All the tense minutes between each pitch are really boring, and my mind drifts, and I try to talk to my fiancé, and he isn’t listening. He isn’t listening because he is watching the catcher make all those crazy hand signals (near his crotch!) so that the pitcher can shake his head and wait for a new crazy hand signal he agrees with.
A lot of this knowledge about the pitcher/catcher relationship comes from watching Summer Catch, specifically the game that Freddie Prinze Jr. almost blows at the end of the movie, but doesn’t because beautiful Jessica Biel is on his mind, and he obviously needs to go to the major leagues to impress her rich father. I digress.
Now, as much as I find baseball games boring when compared to basketball or football games (all the grunting and body-smashing and dunking!), when I heard that there are still 180-something baseball games left this season, I was pretty okay with that fact. I’m okay with it because I really enjoy the beer at live baseball games, and I really enjoy checking out the players’ cute lil’ butts in their baseball-player-pants both on television, and at live games.
Still, unless the Rays are playing (sigh, I’m a “bandwagon fan”), or the Red Sox are playing (I’m from NJ, so it’s in my blood to hate Boston teams), I need to know, as always, who am I rooting for? All the cute lil’ butts in the world couldn’t make three hours of baseball entertaining if I don’t have anyone to cheer or boo for.
I obviously cheer for individual players who I think are cute. For the Rays, my current crush is Matt Joyce. I didn’t want to hop on the Longoria bandwagon with all the other females in the Tampa Bay area, and Matt Joyce seems less aware of his good looks, and therefore, a better pick for a respectable woman like myself. I also seem to be paying attention when he makes really great plays, while I never caught any of Evan’s. I even named my first houseplant “MJ” after seeing him play a great game last summer. That plant died rather quickly, but I’m sure it had nothing to do with Matt Joyce’s batting skills and cute lil’ butt, and everything to do with me never watering the damn thing.
So my advice to you, my fellow Game Day Girlfriends/Fiancées/Wives/Bed Buddies, is to quit yammering in your boyfriend’s/fiancé’s/ husband’s/bed buddy’s ear, and pick a cutie on the team for which your significant other is rooting for, then cheer for that cute lil’ butt for all 9 (or more, God help us) innings. Of course, if you happen to have your own favorite team playing in the game, you should choose a cutie on that team, even if it’s not your man’s team. Trust me, your date will be so busy staring at the crazy hand signals, he won’t even notice that you’re cheering for the “wrong” team. Good luck and Go Rays!